Why do we get offended if we are not invited to a wedding?

IMG_20170418_170525Here in London, many weddings take place during school holidays. We’ve just had an easter break, so a lot of wedding invitations had come our way.

So, the other day, mum was on the phone to an aunty talking about how many weddings they need to attend and that it’s getting tiring. Then she asked if the aunty is going to the wedding coming up, assuming she had gotten an invite. Then the aunty said, ‘no’ and a conversation started on how there’d been disputes between that aunty and the person who’d not invited her to the wedding.

Why is there such a big emphasis on weddings in the bengali culture? Why is it that if you hadn’t been invited, it causes a big stir and problem? Why does it have to cause a dispute, where if you hadn’t been invited, the whole family will not talk to that family or invite them to a wedding ceremony you host in the future?

Can we not make excuses for them if we didn’t get invited? Can we not get offended? Can we simply not get upset if we don’t get invited and stop talking to them.

Maybe they can’t afford a venue catering for 500+ people. Maybe they don’t want to invite excessive guests and keep to immediate family and friends. Maybe they forgot to invite you, as they only speak to you once a year?

Can we not just move on with our lives? Sounds really petty doesn’t it? But it’s such a major problem in many of our communities.

A marriage is a meant to be a blessing from Allah (swt). Allah had made nikkah simple, yet we’ve made it difficult for ourselves due these cultural customs.

Many people who are ready for marriage, have to wait years to save up for a wedding to invite people they don’t even know, not because they want to, but because this is the norm that their elders follow, so they are pushed to follow it too. They may know a good 100 guests out of the 500+ that had been invited. Why is this forced upon them?

They are not ruining their parents/families reputation by wanting a simple ceremony. They don’t need to hear comments about them not being able to afford to invite people. They don’t need to tell the whole world about every process they’re taking in order to married. I’ve heard too many people get upset about a marriage that had been set and they didn’t know anything about it till they got an invite. I don’t get why it should be upsetting? Why should people have to be in the loop about a marriage that hasn’t been set in stones yet?

I just hope our generation can move away from this silly norm. I hope we can try and implement sunnah as much as we emphasise these cultural norms. I don’t really want my daughter having to grow up and listen to these minor issues?

This is one Bangladeshi norm that I don’t agree with and don’t like being associated with.

I hope that one day, the sunnah will valued more than culture in our decisions and choices we make in shaa Allah.

Umm Yusra.


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